One of my roommates, staying out late;
One of my roommates always with friends;
And here I am sitting on my bed watching Merlin with my physics homework next to me, done three days before it's due.
What's wrong with me?
I have heard about the magic of making so many friends in college, of sharing wonderful experiences together, and of building lasting relationships that may last for eternity.
That is for other people.
I am an introvert. I cannot stand crowded places or any sort of chaos that involves people. I get stomachaches from loud music and flashing lights and the stinky mass of sweaty people. My happiest moments of the week are when my roommates walk out the door. I love my own space to squeal and absorb myself in whatever I want whenever I want to, without feeling obligated to talk to someone. And for the love of all that's good and sacred in this world, don't feel sorry for me and sit next to me when I'm apart from the group.
But for all my desire to really just be alone most of the time, I would give up pretty much anything to have a good friend.
A good friend (n)- a person who can understand both silence and chattering, who can appreciate and respect both. Feels comfortable and content just to be in the same room as their friend, without feeling the pressure or need to make conversation. Must be known long enough to be familiar and almost habitual. Can appreciate sarcasm and fire it back with ease. And, most importantly, must make an introvert feel she can be herself when in their presence (and must be able to hang out with said introvert for more than and hour without seriously irritating her).
I have had about 3 friends in my lifetime that fit this description, all at different stages. One I knew pretty much since I was born until we split up around third grade. The second I met in elementary school and was with her almost everyday until seventh grade. The third and last I met in sixth grade, but did not understand how perfect he was until my senior year. He remains the best and most treasured friend I have ever had.
With that kind of track record, how am I supposed to "Get out and make some friends"? That just doesn't happen!
But for the first time away from my friends, family, and everyone I grew up with, I finally understand how important it is to have someone close by who I can love, trust, and confide in. I need someone in my daily life I can live for every day and would be willing to die for. I search for faces in the crowd, hoping one will look back at me with understanding eyes and a heart that will accept me for my own value. It is a futile search, yet I never give up the hope that I will find the perfect friend that I can live for day by day.
Or else I just really need a hug. I'm not sure.
Curse you Merlin and all your feels.
Edit: I forgot to mention, I have one other good friend. She has stayed by my side all my life, no matter what trials I have gone through. She will never betray me and she has always comforted me. She never speaks ill of me and she never annoys me or irritates me. Her name is Angel. She is 17 years old. She is also a rabbit.
Angel
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