Why is America so apathetic?
Scratch that for now; why am I so apathetic?
I have noticed a frightening trend in my mental state as I progress through life. More and more often I find myself saying I just don't care.
Why don't I care? All I know is that this disease has been getting progressively worse as I mature. It used to scare me, but now I just don't really think it matters all that much.
case in point.
This is a problem. It is affecting my work, my activities, my choices, and my mental capabilities. I have a suspicion that it may be due in part to the relaxed, happy-go-lucky attitude that I am surrounded with on a daily basis. It has infected even the most hardworking and intellectually prominent of my peers.
Is it just a part of growing up? realizing that some of our actions are weighed more than others? If so, than I presume I would start caring more about something to replace my lack of interest. This is not the case.
It isn't just my intellectual life that is slowly degrading in the slow and horrible spagetttification of my interest in the overwhelming void of not caring. I am also quite a bit less emotional and Romantically romantic. I don't seem to care about the well-being and relationships of my peers and even less of my family. It frightens me to realize how casual some of my strongest emotions have become.
I used to be the most emotional and intensely Romantic child I have ever come across. Have my feelings and emotional senses been deadened and rubbed down so low on the grit of teenage culture? Or is it just a sign of emotional maturity that I am able to calm down the raging and savage hammers that pound on my heart?
Maybe I'm trying to protect myself. I have been hurt before. Maybe my mind is trying its hardest to tuck up my personal investment in my life and take myself away from harm. But if that's true, then I should be ashamed. It is a weakness to fear life to the point that I take myself out of it.
It's not like I'm apathetic all the time. When I do have a little pang of emotion left over from the memories of people who forced their way with a chainsaw through my hardening heart and the left side of my face twitched into a half-smile, I feel alive.
That's stupid. any version of "I felt alive", especially when considering strong emotions as a testimony to that aliveness, is over used and conceited.
But hey, it's true. The problem is that other people know it too.
This can be applied to the youth of America. But that's for you to think about.
